As we all know, it was rather amusing of Rush Limbaugh to accuse anyone of
voluntarily stopping self-treatment, for there is a word for four buckets of
extra-crispy KFC drumsticks topped off with mushy lard, compressed Viagra and a
Hillbilly-Heroin twist in Rush’s house.
Lunch.
Yet, it is also rather amusing in that he might as well have been talking about
the paranoid, conspiracy-laden, bigoted troupe of resentful belly-picking white
men with small penises that make up the core of his party. Sadly they have all
been off their meds for the better part of four decades now. And we have all
been the worse for it.
Particularly Sarah
Evans. Although her husband’s hundreds of pictures on his PC of himself
turned on could be a big seller at next year’s first annual Charlie
Crist picnic down in Florida.
But I digress. The competition I was thinking of was this. Which region of
country’s Republican Party has the largest sheer number of criminals,
lunatics, self-haters and those for whom a lobotomy would send their IQ soaring
straight up like J.D. Hayworth’s arm when he hears German?
Well speaking of old goosestepping
J.D., I nominate the West. I mean, look at this collection of obtuse,
CEO-slurping, AntiSocial-Personality-Disorder-suffering, atavistic cretins.
Representative Barbara Cubin of Wyoming likes
to pummel the disabled. Congressional candidate Bill
Sali of Idaho...well here’s what retiring Idaho House Speaker Bruce
Newcomb, a Republican, was quoted saying about him, "That idiot (Sali) is
just an absolute idiot. He doesn’t have one ounce of empathy in his whole
fricking body. And you can put that in the paper." That’s one of the
nicer things Idaho Republicans have said about a guy who's more offensive than
Denny Hastert's man-boobs.
Congressmen Doolittle
(and his wife) and Pombo
of California just love Jack Abramoff. Love, love, love him. You know, what’s
a little forced
abortion in the Marianas between friends?
Rep. Lewis, also of California is
under federal investigation for some things discovered in the Randall
“Duke” Cunningham case and for having a record in public service as
ludicrous as his namesake’s comedy.
Nevada gives us Jim
Gibbons for Governor, who likes to hide illegal-immigrant nannies in his
basement and have his wife perjure herself when discussing it (this from a man
who wants The Great Wall of China imported to the Mexican Border, because it
worked so well with Genghis). He also had an accident in a parking lot, where he
claims he tripped and somehow a woman’s breast just up and hopped into his
hand.
Funny, when you spend a night propositioning a particular woman over 100 proof
liquid refreshments and getting rejected, the young woman involved might
describe it a different way.
Sexual assault.
Other ways of describing this episode might be “another day in the life of Don
Sherwood” or "the only way Rush got any until he was famous."
Continuing our hit parade: Representative Porter of Nevada likes
to make shakedown calls from his federal office, while Representative Renzi
of Arizona likes
shady land deals that start federal investigations into his activities.
And let’s not forget that lunatic running to hold his Senate seat, Jon Kyl. He
has quite a
list of greatest hits, which doesn't even include having Brit Hume's hairdo.
Here’s Kyl on Native Americans: "I'm concerned that too many Indian
people -- and I will not characterize where they come from -- talk about trust
and responsibility when they really mean, deep in their heart, having someone
take care of them."
I totally understand. I’m concerned that too many pale-faced preppy
corporate-humping jackwads, like let’s say Jon Kyl, expect the government to
take care of them, from their healthcare to their yearly pay raises, while they
screw the rest of us like we’re a prostitute at a Republican poker party at
The Watergate.
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